MyWhimsicalAlter

i am sitting in my dorm room. this is what feeling free should be like, but the only liberating things in my life are also the most damning. for now, i'll ignore the surprised pride and relief of remembering a forgotten meal. i'll ignore the anticipatory tremors in my hands as i close the bathroom stall furthest from the door. i'll smile as i fight down panic and tears. and i'll pretend that, for the first time in a while, i am not utterly alone.

last night, i dreamt of seaside cities and far-off peninsulas and glass elevators that lead to everywhere and asked myself:

do you remember feeling alive?
do you remember feeling?
do you remember?
[do you?]

I hate cars and subways.

(the urges come to fast and too violent to bear)